June and December

There can be steely one-shade days

That leak through scarf, coat, and sweater

Days that pale and pull you apart, make bones

Ache, bitter

If there are sometimes sherbet skies

That melt down to star-sprinkled night

Nights that purr and sweep against you, at once

Black, bright

There can be too-hot noons

That hang on impossibly long, and bite

If there are perfect more-than-pecks, under wintry trees in

White lights

Happy birthday Julia:

I love you, because you’re mine

And because I’m yours too

And you don’t like to say it but you love me

Like I love you

Because you love things quietly, Julia

(And fiercely, and forever)

I love you because the sky is why

You believe in something better

Than us, than the 80 years we get

Than the “45 tops” you ask for

Because you spit fire and

Stand up for yourself

“I love you” I tell you all the time

And you know when you need to say it

Back, but it’s just so I can hear you,

You don’t need to hear it

Because I say it but you show it, Julia

You show it all the time

I love you because of your edges

They are violent and they are honest

You are violently, brilliantly honest

They are sharp and hard to hold

Because you are sharp and hard to hold

But you are mine; you are my person

And I will hold you until my hands bleed.

The Words

You know sometimes there's a million things to say
And other times - nothing
And I could mention being speechless or not having the words
For something, saying there are no words
For some things

But I think when it counts, when it really means the world to you
There are words there, at-the-ready
And they don't have to leave you like gunfire, leave you
Reloading the empty clip in your mouth over and over
The words may not leave you empty at all, and you might not use every one

But I think the brightest shining parts of my life
Will not be those silent seconds,
But the moments that leave me perfectly dazzled by something said

Something whispered in my neck at the edge of the party
When we've swept ourselves into a corner,
And the seams of my dress dust you and the wall

Something shouted at a concert between us, between choruses
And only just barely understood
By reading your lips when red and purple lights bounce off them

Something said, on a doorstep, already implied in glances
Beaten half-to-death after an anxious day together
And spit out as I'm about to close the door on you

Something screamed to break apart sobs
Or break a stiff silence
Words that save the night or save the whole thing because

Words will do that, when it really counts
Catch us, after fumbling around with our hands
Reveal the right and real things with their exactness and
Sometimes blinding sincerity
They will be there and they will be all we have:

the words.

Matters

I know it's not the same to you

(because matters never matter the same to people)

but it matters to me –

and I matter to you, so
it matters, it matters, it matters: doesn't it?

if my eyes get red and sore and I

can't

catch

my

breathe – but I keep talking to you,

mumbling to you,

yelling at you

it's because it matters to me, doesn't it, to you?

Don't I, to you?

So would you stay?

Stay so I know

it matters to you because it matters

to me

stay so I know

I matter

when matters get muddled and dragged out

across the floor, in every room of the house

the one, standing, sameness should remain

you

you should stay and be the one matter that stands

no matter what the fight is.

Songs I Can't Keep

You're still in my sheets and on my teeth

and it's not because you stay, I know

it's because I keep you here

and I keep you there

You're next to me in the back,

swaying to a song because I know all the words

and I like to sing them back to the band even if they don't see me

even though they've seen the lyrics in a million mouths

you're not really here though, I know

You're this song playing right now, this new one

I can hear it right now and by the end I know the words

I know, I can't keep this one though

this song is just for right now -

in this dim music box between buildings

it means the world for three minutes

You’re a song I can’t have and I remember it so well that

I feel like it’s mine sometimes but I know, it’s not

it was for a few minutes in a soft swelling crowd

this song was all mine, you were the world for three minutes

for one soft swelling season between seasons

and it’s done and I’m forgetting parts

because I know I can't I keep you, here