The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did.

I've been converted. I'm just a former firework fanatic, whose eyes have been opened.

This weekend was very, very good for me. It wasn't perfect, but there was a perfect moment, and life doesn't give us a lot of those - so when it does you have to hold it and think about it all the time so you never forget it. So that when things get really really messy and broken you can remember that moment and know that sometimes things are perfect.


My weekend was riddled with generic teenage ventures; A football game, a scary movie, Slurpees, a party, a park, a late-night Del Taco run, a date, etc...
BUT amidst those things, there was placed, a perfect moment: After my friends dropped me off from Del Taco sometime around midnight [good song] I walked up the stairs to my front door and found my sister sitting on the porch, all alone, watching the storm.


No words needed to be exchanged. I smiled at her, and she stared at me [Julia isn't one for emotion, smiling isn't a necessary function for her - like it is for me - without being able to grin/giggle every 3 to 7 seconds, my head would explode.] I mumbled: "Ok... give me a second" under my breath and ran into the house to throw on my favorite gray sweater, it's my favorite because it has those sleeves that are just long enough so that they cover most of your hands and just barely leave your fingertips peeking out of the top so that the rest of you is swaddled in a soft, gray, haze of sweater and sleeve.
I ran back to the porch and let the screen door bounce closed behind me. I sat down on the oddly comforting concrete, next to my sister, and we watched the lighting shock the sky over and over, while we listened to the song "Lua" by Bright Eyes.

It was perfect. Lightning is one of my new favorite things. It's sublime. Not like fireworks. Fireworks are loud and they want to be seen and noticed. They command attention and occupy the sky for awhile. Lightning is different. Lightning is something special. You have to wait for it \ and catch it \ and savour it \ like moments. Just like those perfect moments.

Floating

Summer has come and gone. The lazy days in the sun rays are done. But they've left their golden impression on my skin, and when I look down at my arms and legs I smile because summer was good to me. I only got sunburned once, one night I got eleven mosquito bites on my left leg, and I said "no" too much - but mostly summer was really just the best. It kind of shook things up though, and I'm just kind of floating around now. I feel like a dandelion seed, that was previously content sitting atop that dandelion until some rude gust of wind came along.

So right now that's me. I'm just floating. Hittin' the books. Floating. Getting nervous for swim season. Floating. Dealing with my stupid teenage hormones.

And floating.

I want this,

THIRTEEN by Ben Kweller

We've been in the rain
We've been on the mountain
We've been 'round the fire

In fancy hotels
Drank water from farm wells
We sang with the choir

I kissed your dry lips
We jumped off the high cliffs
And splashed down below

Skin to skin
In the salty river
Made love in the shadow
Woooah ooh

Read books to each other
Read the mind of the other
Flew a thousand jets

We laughed and we cried
At movies and real life
and our ridiculous bets

We danced in the
moonlight at midnight
We pressed against back
doors and wooden floors
And you never faked it

And frequently
We ignored our love
But we could never mistake it
Oooh ooh

We met on the front porch
Fell in love on the phone
Without the physical wreck

You gave me the necklace
That used to hang
Around your mother's neck

We questioned religions
Fed bread to the pigeons
We learned how to pray

We stood by the ocean
Turned our hearts into one
We laid in bed all day
Heeey

We skipped on the sidewalk
Skipped stones on the water
We skipped town

We've seen the
sunrise with new eyes
We've seen the damage of
gossip and true lies
We've seen the sun go down

Had passionate makeouts
And passionate freakouts
We built this world of our own

It was in the back of a taxi
When you told me you loved me
And that I wasn't alone